He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Plan B is the new Plan A
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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