so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
