Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
