just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
