i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
