He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Randomize
