This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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