are you still at the devil's house?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
