Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
