Can Purell be used as lube?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
did i walk over a car last night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
