You're my little dorito
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
