I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
