I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize