They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
