We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
