i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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