Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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