hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
