Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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