And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
