With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
