You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize