Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
