How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
