she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
