Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
