We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
