I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
