I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
