2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
