tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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