If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
