I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
