i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
