she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
