hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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