Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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