so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
