he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize