meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
