Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm at about main and main street
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
