at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
