Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
