did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize