Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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