what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize