I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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