..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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