Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
