Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
