I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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