Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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