In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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