im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
