I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
