There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
