fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
