you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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