i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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