MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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