WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize