I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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