College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
