This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
