If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
