we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
