I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
