so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
