You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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