So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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