my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
