I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
