Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
