I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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