you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
