Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
