please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize