Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
