Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
