She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
