Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
