So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
