so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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