Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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