He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
