her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am one with the molecules
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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