how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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