who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
