We won't sleep together?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
