I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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