That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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