The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
