isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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