last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
