i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize