That's intense
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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