I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
