K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
