He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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