The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
